Empathetic Antagonism
The Art of Catalyzing Change Through Generous Discomfort
empathetic antagonism
noun
/ˌem-pə-ˈthe-tik an-ˈta-gə-ˌni-zəm/
The deliberate practice of creating constructive tension by challenging prevailing beliefs or behaviors with empathy and understanding, aiming to encourage personal growth or positive change.
A method of engaging others by thoughtfully provoking discomfort through compassionate confrontation, facilitating self-reflection and transformation.
Difference-makers like you and I make change happen.
That’s the gig.
Making a difference requires embracing uncertainty and accepting “this might not work.”
What’s more, most people we are making a difference with and for are not predisposed to engage in the necessary work of seeing and doing things differently.
Think about it. When was the last time you woke up in the morning, clapped your hands together, and bounced out of bed saying, “Gee whiz, I can’t wait to boldly leap past the edges of my understanding and abilities and fail forward into a new way of seeing and being today!”
We’re programmed by biology, evolution (and institutional education and occupation) to stick with the tried-and-true, do what we’re told, and perform within others’ expectations.
So, how do we help others lean into and through this instinct to play it safe and make today look more or less the same as yesterday?
Empathetic Antagonism
Most of us have experienced empathetic antagonism in some way, shape, or form.
You read a compelling insight you’ve never considered before.
You’re inspired by someone who just broke through an old barrier or assumption.
Someone shines a light on something you hadn’t noticed before but now can’t unsee.
When you collide with a novel idea or perspective that gets under your skin, you find yourself unable to resist the urge to itch.
Whatever the source, it’s usually an outside influence that creates generous tension that lands in a way you can’t ignore.
This tension causes you to lean in, embrace the discomfort, and boldly step into possibility.
You permit yourself to trust yourself.
You decide you’ll be okay and able to figure out what to do next.
And before you know it, you see and approach yourself and your situation differently.
Change happens.
You cannot unsee what you now see and can’t undo what you just did.
And then you begin and begin again.1
If you’ve followed my work, you’ve been on the receiving end of empathetic antagonism.
Hopefully, you’ve experienced it as intended—a generous invitation to dance with the discomfort of flying higher in the difference only you can make.
When, where, how, and with whom can you practice a bit of empathetic antagonism today?
What change can you help facilitate today by creating a little generous discomfort?
Go Further
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