Control Is an Illusion. Responsibility Isn’t.
The Ground Rules for Living a Prosperous, Purpose-Driven Life With Peace of Mind
Principle #2 of 9 in the Art of Encore Living series.
I was carrying my newborn son across a parking lot when the left side of my body went numb.
One moment, I was walking toward the car after a grocery run with my wife. Next, my leg and arm were disappearing beneath me. Somehow, mid-collapse, I managed to hand my son to my wife before I hit the asphalt.
I recovered enough to stand, brush it off, and convince myself it was nothing. Exhaustion, I told her. Stress. I was managing two restaurants in downtown Chicago and burning the candle at both ends. A strange episode, sure, but not a crisis.
The next day at work, my wife called the restaurant (something she never did). One of the owners answered. When she heard what had happened, she didn’t hesitate. She made me an appointment with her cardiologist. That same afternoon, I was in the exam room.
After listening to my story and running a few tests, the cardiologist sat down, looked me in the eye, and said something that landed like a sledgehammer:
“If you want to live to see your son graduate high school, you need to get out of the restaurant business. Now.”
That was the ground rule I’d been ignoring:
Your body, your time, and your life are not your possessions. They are contingencies.
You don’t control them. You only get the privilege of stewarding them while you can.
I walked out of that office, drove back to the restaurant, and gave my two-week notice. My wife and I sat down that night and looked at our savings. We had enough runway for me to try something I’d always longed for but never “had time” to pursue: a career as a professional guitarist.
If it worked, I’d keep going.
If it didn’t, I’d return to teaching.
But the real decision had already been made.
Not by destiny.
Not by circumstance.
By accepting a truth I’d been avoiding: I was not in control, but I was responsible.
That’s the heart of this second principle in the Art of Encore Living.
We live most of our early years under the delusion that with enough effort, strategy, and willpower, we can manage every variable in our lives. We grow up thinking choices guarantee outcomes. We mistake effort for certainty.
It works—until it doesn’t.
A numb arm.
A bad scan.
A divorce decree.
A layoff notice.
A kid leaving home.
An unexpected phone call.
Life has a way of reminding you that the universe doesn’t consult your plans.
Which is why this principle isn’t just philosophical. It’s practical. It’s the foundation for encore living.
Epictetus said it cleanly:
“Some things are within our control, and some things are not.”
This isn’t a warning. It’s a threshold.
Because the moment you stop trying to control the uncontrollable, your energy returns to where it belongs: decisions, actions, perspective, character.
That’s what the ground rules offer: a sobering, liberating, necessary reckoning.
You control:
How you see yourself and your situation
What you decide to do next
The meaning you assign to experience
The integrity of your effort
You do not control:
Other people
Outcomes
Circumstances
The timing of anything
Encore living begins when you stop fighting that reality and start cooperating with it.
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The full reflection explores how accepting what you can and cannot control becomes the bedrock of vocation, identity, and encore living—and provides a practical exercise to help you reclaim agency today.
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That shift isn’t abstract. It’s vocational. It’s existential. It’s the moment you decide that the work you do in your life’s next chapter will align with who you are, not who the world told you to be.
The ground rules don’t limit you. They focus you.